Sisters and a special niece

Here you have some very special sisters , and one beautiful baby girl . Who is to Say what she will be when she grows . But she is so loved, and as family we are very blessed . The meaning of family. Just to think we all started out this small and in a family. Depending on the family, Love is all that one needs.

Family!!!

Here you go , Family it sure is something to see it grow. So many and places to be with , Near or far , they are always around you , Truly Blessed ........ 

beautiful day

This is one of our many morning sunraise's, It is something to see this in the morning, being from the city , I am sure that there was moments like these. I just never saw them, maybe it was because of the many house's or the many buildings, or was it the busy life, the many people rushing? But in all .I can't remember seeing such a morning such as this.

This has been a moment that I sat in wonder at the beauty that is all around me. I am so happy, I am at peace. And living my dream. I still have hopes of the horse, or the livestock, but in all I am at peace. There is at times those worries of money, How to get on with what comes in and what goes out. But in all ,This is life. !

I often wonder how I could have lived so long without it. But working towards the dream., you have to start somewhere, and yes I often see my age and how long it has taken me to get here. I still believe in faith and God. To where I am now. I was meant to be here. with all the struggles. Nothing is easy. This has been proven. But I am here now. And I imagine many crossing this land and how they had to learn the cost . Some turned back ,while others may not have even came close to seeing what I have . And for those that made it and lived it. It is a glorious sight to behold and I feel proud to be able to know the feeling. I wish I could share it. Yet, it is the city that some young adults would rather see and live then out in the country. Maybe as they get older they will see things differently, Of course what it is that makes them happy is all that matters,

A day in what GOD MADE! I am so humble. I am grateful , I am truly at peace.I am HAPPY.

Getting to old to have these kinds of expriences

At my age, I shouldn't have to exprience what I have never done, nor had to.And here I am at 51 having to go and get my husband out of jail. This is my second marriage, and it took me about 20 years to even get out there again to even allow myself to have a long trim relationship. For those 20 years , I worked took care of my mother and life was around my responablity , I knew what I had to do, and was stright and narrow with my life, it seemed to just flow , There were times they may be a set back , life tossing in those scary times, Putting one to some kind of test ,

So now, here I am with my next journey , am I up to it, This man is my age, hasn't he learned anything from his past? the many screw ups that he has put himself through, balameing everyone else for it, balaming vietman war, ptsd, Doing drugs, drinking. I ask myself what am I to learn from this? was it because I traveled that careful road, knew where I was at all times and knew what I wanted out of life, that it now tosses me onto another , that cravers and bends , no more the stright and narrow. I will have to make more choices , but to what and where? is it that I want out of a relationship that buts me to much to the test , and how can I get over the count less mistakes he makes. How much does one forgive? As I have always hated tests , I have never done well with them , and this one sure has me tired. After I have gotten her, moved miles away starting a life from the bottom in hopes to climb to the top . I am wondering if it is worth it. more times then not the desire to return to what and where I once came from . making my return to a much simpler life , For it is I that knows what I want and can handle as to where he can't seem to handle the hardish of pit falls , As he explains his actions to PTSD and his past life. When does he remove himself from the past!? I am tired. tired of knowing where I want to be and kicking myself for the way I got here, and wishing I would have stayed single .

As I read stories about how young women want a relationship with a man . I wish I could tell them , WHY, WHAT FOR!? With any relationship.? Have one with yourself first, and keep it that way , Its just to much effort to get someone else to understand you , specially when they have no clue about who they are. I have grown tired of giving up to make this work, I can start over, Since I am having to do it already with him, I just know I can do it alot better without him, I am angry! I want to lash out . Would it give me the release I need? I want to go home, I want to return to what I had . But here I sit , thinking only of what if!

online withdrawl

Here I am , Finally! It seems that our hook up to satelite, was unhooked, without knowing, the annual payment out of our account was not enough, and so sunday morning , as I always do, I get online to check mail and see if loving family is online to chat, NO SIGNAL it states, oh no ! there must have been something gone wrong, I walk out to check the dish, Maybe an animal. a bird , or maybe a squrrel ,or even yet one of those UFO's , that seems to be often spotted around here in Tennessee. No , it looks fine, then what !? as the day goes on, I am having online withdrawl . what can it be,? it can't be the weather, it is clear as any other day , Since this only seems to bother me, I take it apon myself to call. And low and behold, there wasn't enough in our account, But Why!? since getting this service , it was and always been a study flow, no problems what so ever,Yet Since the company changed hands, no longer directway, was this the answer, who is to know now,what the reason be, why it happened it happened just the same, So until the monthly check comes in, we are on dail up . NO ONE SHOULD HAVE TO GO BACK ! . THere isn't any thing wrong with it, just that it takes for ever to down load those new baby photo's of the newest member of the family, and I admit it I don't have patience , yes , you heard me ! I don't !, sure the cost is much different from the dsl to the dial up , from 60.00 to 14.95, but how much is it worth, to all the frustation I would be giving myself. So, I made this statement this morning,which I felt a must, I said! Since I go no where, I am here twenty four seven, most times, and I don't have much that I spend on , that this would be something I would give myself. And the response is, that I am right, So when the first of the month is here, it is back to dsl. So, as far as life , for me anyway should be back to normal. Unless you count this damn ! menopause feeling I have been havin, the late night hot flashes, and those sleepless nights, OH! and lets not forgot those damn countless dreams am having, I swear I have never had so many so often, or is it that I am more aware of them. Hell, last night dream was with Rock Husdon , Debbie Reynolds ,and Mary Tyler Moore. and driving a station wagon from the 60's , That still has me baffled? As it was once thought it may have had something to do with eatting late night, while let me tell you ! I didn't have any crackers thank you !! .

retired bus driver

retired bus driver

Happy Birhtday to ME!

WHAT IS A BIRTHDAY!? LIKE EVERYONE HAS SAID SINCE WE WE'RE ABLE TO SPEAK, IT IS JUST ANOTHER DAY! I SAY IT ISN'T JUST ANOTHER DAY ! YES IT IS JUST A NUMBER, IT MARKS HOW MANY LINES I HAVE, TO THE ACHES AND PAINS THAT I DIDN'T HAVE WHEN I WAS 9 OR 20. THERE ARE THOSE THAT AREN'T AS LUCKY AS I AM, I USE TO THINK I NEEDED CHILDERN OF MY OWN TO MAKE ME FEEL WORTHY , TO SHARE THESE DAYS WITH. I WONDER HOW MANY AUNT'S OR UNCLE'S THAT ARE OUT THERE THAT DON'T HAVE CHILDERN, LIKE MYSELF, I DO KNOW HOWEVER THERE ARE TWO OTHER AUNT'S THAT HAVE NO CHILDERN, THEY ARE SISTERS OF MINE. WE WERE GIVING A LARGE FAMILY TO GROW UP IN, I HAVE FOUR OTHER SIBLINGS THAT HAVE BLESSED MY LIFE WITH CHILDERN, ONE NEPHEW, BLESS HIM HAD TO LIVE OUT MY NEED TO HAVE A REAL COWBOY IN MY LIFE, BUYING THAT ONE IN A LIFE TIME COWBOY OUTFIT, WITH CHAPS AND THE HOISTER, PHOTO'S I HAVE OF HIM IN, I HAVE MY DOUBTS THAT HE REMEMBERS IT BUT I DO, AND THE HEAVY CHAT HIS MOTHER AND I HAD ABOUT GUNS. SHE DIDN'T WANT HIM WITH AND I STATEING IT IS ONLY A TOY! BUT HE WAS ABLE TO KEEP IT JUST NEVER WEAR IT . I DO KNOW HE NEVER KNEW THIS CHAT OR THE REASON HE WAS FOR THAT ONE MOMENT IN HIS LIFE THE REAL COWBOY, THAT A LOVING AUNT WANTED TO DRESS HIM IN AS IF HE WAS HER ONLY SON, I HAVE COME CLOSE TO A LOT OF MY NIECE'S TOO. THROUGH THEM I HAVE KNOWN A LITTLE WHAT A MOTHER WOULD, BY BEING THERE WHEN THEY FOUND OUT THAT THERE WAS A LUMP IN THEIR BREAST. TAKING A DAY OFF OF WORK TO BE THERE WHEN THEY TOOK THE LUMP OUT. SPENDING HOURS ON THE PHONE GIVING AS MUCH SUPPORT AS ONE COULD , OR HEADING OUT ON A WORK NIGHT , OR EARLY MORNING WAS IT , WHEN THIER CAR SEEM TO FINALLY MAKE ITS LAST SPARK PLUG SPARK ! OR OFFERING THE MONEY TO THE ONE TIME SPEEDING TICKET. I MAY HAVE NEVER HAD THE CHILDERN THAT SEEM TO MAKE UP WHAT MANY WOULD SAY IS A WAY TO BE HAPPY , BUT I AM BLESSED WITH MANY, I COULD BE THE AUNT THAT WOULD GET THAT FIRST EAR PRIECE ( NEPHEWS) OR THAT TATTOO ( NIECE) AND EVEN IF THIER PARENTS WOULD SO DISOWN THEM THEY KNEW THAT THEY HAD AN AUNT THAT WOULD KEEP THEM, ALLOW THEM TO LIVE WITH HER UNTIL THE FIRE WAS DIMMED. IS THERE A SENCE OF NOT HAVING MY EVERY OWN, IF I TOLD YOU NO , I WOULD BE LIEING, I WILL NEVER KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO HOLD MY CHILD AFTER JUST GIVING IT LIFE, THAT FIRST BREATH, I WILL NEVER KNOW WHAT IT WILL FEEL LIKE TO HAVE A DAUGTHER TO SHARE THOSE MOMENTS THAT EVERY DAUGTHER HAS WITH A MOTHER, OR IN MY OLD AGE TO HAVE MY SON OR DAUGTHER COME VISIT OR SHARE THOSE TIMES THAT SEEMS TO BRING THE WHOLE LIFE CYCLE IN PLAY, WHAT I DO HAVE IS NEPHEW'S THEIR WIFE'S AND NIECE'S THAT HAVE TAKEN OUT OF THIER BUSY , WORRYSOME LIFE TO STOP AND LEAVE ME HAPPY BIRTHDAY COMMINTS, EVEN THOUGH AM FAR AWAY FROM THEM , THAT HAVE MADE MY DAY, MADE THIS AUNT FEEL VERY LOVED.IN THE END HAPPY BIRHTDAY TO ME! BECAUSE OF ALL OF YOU , GOD HAS SO BLESSED ME . YOU ARE THE GIFTS THAT DO KEEP ON GIVING , AND JUST THINK SOME OF YOU I DID UNWRAP YOU BY CHANGING YOUR DRIPPERS AND THROW UP CLOTHES .............;)

Is this the life ? It sure is !

As I finish planting the garden, I wonder is this is what it is all about., retirement getting down on my knees and playing in the Tennessee mud ? I sure hope that I will see the fruit of my labor, I am starting out on a new learning, Not growing that much in Michigan.not having the help of my mother , who enjoyed going out to the spot, where the gardening club held theirs at. I have done what I could to make the veggies grow , now its a wait and see. This being the country, I have to wonder how many of those little citters will find their way to my garden , and can I find ways to keep them away with killing them ? I just pray that the bugs and the animal's will not be a problem . I was thinking about going to the Wolf Creek Church tonight , but am not keen on the bible study thing ,maybe I will wait until Sunday , and just go to Church instead . As the cost of my money traveling to church. To any Church would be a cost. As we spend most of our time here at home because of it, we become bored and just know that as soon as my sister in law comes to visit, there will be reasons to enjoy our home and the company that will be here. Pushing , forever pushing my spirit forward lifting them. so I don't became depressed ,

retired life

Since retiring and moving from where I was born and had grown up from for fifty years, I am bored lonely and at times living in another world that am not use to. Is all country life like this. or retirement? I hit fifty and I have gained weight. out of boredom I eat. out of lonelness I eat. After losing weight the first time at 40 , from 247 pounds down to 155 now back to it, it is harder this time,. plus I have no where I can, I live on a highway, I can walk it, there is a bike route, so walking it would give me a nice walk, but walking it myself and in the country. am not sure of myself and what I may walk across as I do it, what little socalizing I have done ,hearing some of them say that there may not be things I would like to walk into or come apound, all excuses I give myself, my husband wants to pay to go to a gym. money was don't have, also something I have started to worry about, there isn't enough money like when I was working I could spend now I have to watch every penny. filing a chapter 13 because we or I have gone behind on my bills. Yet this is that dream I so wanted or replayed in my head as I came to be old enought to have a dream.Have to have faith and believe that everying will come to past and trust the outcome, I have started reading the bible, I had found one that my mother had, am not sure if this is my grandmothers bible or where my mother got this, the cover looks worn and the pages have started to fall from the binding. And it difficult to read the print is small and reading I need to take off my glasses to bring the pages close enough to read it, if I don't have my contract in, use my reading glasses. Time is everything and life is what we make it. Keep your hope and faith, don't let things get you down.
I have found that being here, you have a sense of just being, There isn't much you can do, you sit and think, I have started a garden, I wonder how well it will be, if I can maintain it while it all here for me to take care of. I think more of Mitch, my friend and gardener friend who started me on this quest. I mean it was always in me I loved sitting in the grass, on running bare foot in the wet mud, of the newly turned over garden, now that I Am older I can't see myself doing to much barefooted. as my feet of gotten every trender and just walking on my bare floors with out my slippers have become a noticed. Days become weeks then become months rolling by. very little changes . time time that is all we have ,.