Getting to old to have these kinds of expriences

At my age, I shouldn't have to exprience what I have never done, nor had to.And here I am at 51 having to go and get my husband out of jail. This is my second marriage, and it took me about 20 years to even get out there again to even allow myself to have a long trim relationship. For those 20 years , I worked took care of my mother and life was around my responablity , I knew what I had to do, and was stright and narrow with my life, it seemed to just flow , There were times they may be a set back , life tossing in those scary times, Putting one to some kind of test ,

So now, here I am with my next journey , am I up to it, This man is my age, hasn't he learned anything from his past? the many screw ups that he has put himself through, balameing everyone else for it, balaming vietman war, ptsd, Doing drugs, drinking. I ask myself what am I to learn from this? was it because I traveled that careful road, knew where I was at all times and knew what I wanted out of life, that it now tosses me onto another , that cravers and bends , no more the stright and narrow. I will have to make more choices , but to what and where? is it that I want out of a relationship that buts me to much to the test , and how can I get over the count less mistakes he makes. How much does one forgive? As I have always hated tests , I have never done well with them , and this one sure has me tired. After I have gotten her, moved miles away starting a life from the bottom in hopes to climb to the top . I am wondering if it is worth it. more times then not the desire to return to what and where I once came from . making my return to a much simpler life , For it is I that knows what I want and can handle as to where he can't seem to handle the hardish of pit falls , As he explains his actions to PTSD and his past life. When does he remove himself from the past!? I am tired. tired of knowing where I want to be and kicking myself for the way I got here, and wishing I would have stayed single .

As I read stories about how young women want a relationship with a man . I wish I could tell them , WHY, WHAT FOR!? With any relationship.? Have one with yourself first, and keep it that way , Its just to much effort to get someone else to understand you , specially when they have no clue about who they are. I have grown tired of giving up to make this work, I can start over, Since I am having to do it already with him, I just know I can do it alot better without him, I am angry! I want to lash out . Would it give me the release I need? I want to go home, I want to return to what I had . But here I sit , thinking only of what if!